Life is Too Short for...

Life is too short to hold grudges.
Life is too short to never tell people how you truly feel.
Life is too short to pretend to be something/someone you're not.
Life is too short to do something you absolutely hate everyday.
Life is too short to deny yourself simple pleasures (like an iced caramel macchiato :) )
Life is too short to worry.
Life is too short to stay in a relationship that doesn't make you happy.
Life is too short to be prideful.
Life is too short to stay in the same place for too long.
Life is too short to never let yourself fall in love.
Life is too short to never pick yourself back up after having your heart broken.
Life is too short to not try something new.
Life is too short to judge people.
Life is too short to live in fear.
Life is too short to not smile even though it hurts.
Life is too short to not laugh even when you only want to cry.
Life is too short to not place all your trust and hope in God.

My friends, life is too short to not truly live!

What I Want To Be When I Grow Up...

So, it has been way too long and I apologize for all two of you who read my blog. :) Anyways, there are many things I want to blog about right now but I will chose this one: What I Want to be When I Grow Up

The quick answer: I don't know. So if you were hoping to read this and find out what it is then stop reading because it will still be I don't know. Although I would love it if you bare/bear??? with me and read the whole post.

I chose to blog about this because I was sitting with my college professor today and she mentioned there are so many things she wants to do and she needs to just do them. I thought to myself "Hey, there a lot of things I want to do...just do them!" So, I thought about it on my drive home and there are many things I would like to do with my life....

Is it so wrong that as I sit watching my favorite "reality" TV show I think to myself "that's what I want to do." Well, once you find out that its The Real Housewives of Atlanta you would probably look at me, roll your eyes, and tell me "Kim, that will never happen and you don't really want to do that or be that."
Well, I would reply to you this way: "Of course I do! I want to marry a gorgeous NFL player, live in a big beautiful house in Atlanta, be able to buy whatever I want whenever I want, and make up some random business or charity or clothing line to make a little money (which I don't need) on the side. I would love to be invited to all the greatest parties and meet celebrities...ie Ne-Yo who happens to reside near the ATL. Do I wish that my husband played for the Bears? Probably but I would never want to live in Chicago. Any other questions?"
Now you are probably sitting there laughing at me or maybe if you know me at all you are not the least bit surprised.

This future is probably unattainable for two reasons. One: it would require me to get married. Two: it would require me to be in a relationship that could lead to marraige. Now, I do not say this looking for anyone to tell me otherwise. I say this as a transition into the new motto have taken up which is currently my facebook status that says: "Never be afraid to stand your ground...no matter how loney it gets or how much it hurts."

Now it is unfortunate that a boy lead me to this conclusion but let me tell you I have never felt more free right now. I wanted to prove to everyone so bad that I could do it. I could be in a relationship. One that lasts longer than a week. Well, this one made it just 3 days shy of 2 months. Here was the problem: I can't stand jealousy and double standards. I finally had to tell him it was over because he was treating me like I had just killed someone all because someone I had been together with at one point rode in my car to and from home. Nothing at all happened obviously and I kept him updated before during and after the car ride.
Once I arrived home on Tuesday he was so mad at me that he told me he didn't want to see me and I better not show up at his birthday celebration which happened to be at my place of business. Well, way to tell me that while I'm in the parking lot. The night ended up fine and he got over the fact I was there but continued to bring up the subject all night. Last night he decided he would go out with the guys and not talk to me all night. Bad move. See, I don't do double standards well....or really at all. So I finally did what was best for me and ended it. I had to stand up for myself although I really care about him, a lot. I'll be honest I was starting to fall in love with him. Yes, friends I just used the "L" word. Truth is, he said it to me a few weeks ago but I didn't say it back. First it was over text then he said it on the phone. So breaking it off was hard and painful but I stood up for myself. There is something so satisfying and right with that which has made it easier. I woke up this morning in a great mood and ready to start my day and live my life. And I must say today I have been more alive than I have been in a while....with the exception of this past weekend, of course. :)

Well, I must go meet my roommate for dinner now. But more later.

And remember: Never be afraid to stand your ground....no matter how lonely it gets or how much it hurts!

Spring Awakening

Well, it has officially been over a month since I last blogged. A lot has beeing going on and things are crazy busy. I am hoping over spring break next week I can take some time to re-group and blog some more.

So not only is the title of my post a wonderful new Broadway Musical, it is also what has been stirring inside me lately. Today was almost 70 degrees in Sioux Falls and it was gorgeous! Spring is right around the corner and with that comes a new awakening of life not only of nature and the environment but of people and their souls. Spring is a time of wanting to start new and come out of hibernating. So...what does this mean for me?

This spring I decided I was going to do all the things I wanted to do but never thought I could. I am going to stop being so scared to fail at things and just do them. Example number one: I decided to learn how to play Tennis. I know that sounds really weird but most of the people I hang out with either play Tennis in their spare time or competitively on a team. It was watching the men's USF Tennis season opener that I decided it was something I wanted to try. If you know me at all, you'll know that I have never been athletically gifted at anything....and I mean anything. So one day I decide to share this with my friends. It kind of felt like a bad episode of MTV's Made when the person being "made" has the big reveal talk with their friends to which their friends usually scoff and make jokes. My friends were quite a bit more receptive and willing to teach me. For some reason, I have an opposite inclination than most, in which I avoid asking the person who knows the most to help me. I have a friend who has been playing Tennis for most of his life and he is the person I refuse to let teach me because I'm afraid to look stupid because he is so good. He thought this was a pretty dumb reason not to let him teach me. When trying to convince me to let him he said that he knows I'm just learning and it's best to catch bad habits right away before they become part of the way I play. It completely makes sense but yet I'm so worried about my image that I keep refusing to learn from an expert.

This makes me think of how I do things in my life. I realize I need to let go of that fear and pride and just jump in. I know that in order to learn and experience the most things in life, I have to go to the source who can best equip me for each situation. I hate to feel like I am behind the curve and that I don't know as much as the person next to me. I have now realized that I will NEVER learn ANYTHING if I'm always too scared to fail or not get it right the first time.

So this is my goal for Spring and the new life that has been springing up within me.

I know, I know...

So yes, I failed at blogging regularly...already. Only one post in.
Hey, not my fault we have rehearsal every night until about midnight and then I work almost every morning at 6:30am...

Enough excuses. The fact is, pulling weeds is hard work. Very hard work. It's exhausting physically, mentally, spiritually, and emotionally. When you're out there in the field removing weeds sometimes you get stung by unfriendly insects. Other times you may wear the wrong shoes when it starts to rain at which point your shoes get stuck in the mud and you have to continue on barefoot. Sometimes you're swinging too hard and are so sick of trying to remove the weeds that you carelessly knick yourself with the garden hoe. But then there are the times when you perfectly remove a weed, a great big leafy weed with pretty little flowers on the end and then you think this is so pretty it can't possibly be a weed. You know its a weed, you've been told its a weed, you can see its been choking life out of the plant in the field but you can't help but think maybe you've made a mistake and you frantically try to dig up some ground and place the weed, root and all back in the ground. Welcome to my field friends.

In the process of removing the weeds in my life I have been stung. My biggest fear when removing weeds from the garden, both literally and figuratively. Yes, I was stung this summer when spending hours in the tobacco fields but I kept right on working...after some screaming and running away of course :) One of the major weeds I have been struggling to remove is all the drama I invite into my life and sometimes thrive off of. I don't think this is a surprise to any of us that this has been life killer for me. So, at first I thought maybe it was just removing myself from dramatically charged situations that would make the difference. So, I quit my job because that was a high drama situation. That was a great step but I had to go further yet. So then I decided to start cutting ties with those who caused drama and liked drama more than I did. This is when it began to sting. It wasn't that I didn't care about these people because they were some of my best friends, but I knew they were dragging me back down. These people sucked the life out of me because I gave so much to them to get next to nothing in return. Then after I got stung, it started to rain. Things started to get all messy and I didn't know if what I was doing was right anymore. Then my feet got stuck in the mud. I decided I didn't want to go on and I would just stay where I was halfway between miserable and free. But then somewhere amongst all the rain and mud, I saw the sun coming through and decided to keep on going at those weeds. It seemed like the more I tried the more I failed. I wanted to go back and tell those weeds that I missed them and that I wanted to hang out with them and go out with them because they were just so much fun and my life seemed so boring. So I started getting careless and swinging at weeds aimlessly because I didn't really want to remove them. This was a bad idea because it then led me to miss and knick my shin ever so slightly...just enough to realize that I don't want that life full of drama and constant discontent because someone is always cheating on someone or someone is always talking smack about someone else.

So, I have full heartedly been removing weeds from my life for about two or three months now and I can feel the life coming back to me. I am seeing friendships sprouting up again that had withered over the past two years of my stupidity. Friends from my freshman year, some of the very first friends I made at school are back in my life and they are life giving friendships I should never have let go of in the first place. I have a new appreciation and deep love for my family. I have never wanted to talk to or hang out with my family so much in my entire life. Things in my life are finally growing again and I feel like spring has already begun in my life although its still freaking cold here in South Dakota!

So, I have learned that although it may not seem beneficial at first, pulling weeds from your life at the roots will bring life. God is good.

Where to start...

As per usual, I meant to start this blog back in August once I had returned back to Sioux Falls from being in Kentucky. Time got away from me and I find myself almost in February and these ideas swirling inside of me waiting to break out...

This summer I spent two weeks of much needed time in Kentucky. On a farm. I know, weird. Me on a farm...the weirdest part is I actually worked in the Tobacco fields...

There are three main ideas or questions that came from this time with the Parido's...and this is where I want to start on my blogging journey.

The first is the idea of weeds. While on the farm, I had the great opportunity of learning how to clear the weeds from the Tobacco fields. While doing this, Kevin and I had many discussions about weeds, life, faith, and church. It was very hard work and you wanted to take the extra time to do it right because if you didn't chop the weeds low enough, the root would stay in the ground and the weeds would return. I feel like this is a lot like my life. I feel like I know the weeds are there but I don't want to go through the pain and process of actually removing the weed at its roots. Kevin asked me what the weeds were in my life and at the time I was so convicted but I opted not to share. I am going to be discussing this over the journey of my blog, but not right now. I don't want this to get too lengthy.

The second idea is what makes you come alive? This is part of the idea that God has placed within each of us an essence and the way we serve the kingdom is by expressing that essence. To take what each of us loves and has a passion for, which God has placed within us, and express it in a way that is authentic and builds others up.

The third question Kevin left me to answer was If my life was a church what would I be critical of and what would/could I do to change it?

These are the three things I am exploring in my life and invite you to join me on the journey as I blog about my experiences and lessons I've learned.

I am hoping to blog pretty regularly but we will see how this works out! :)